This is Diana

I interviewed Diana over watermelon pieces and rose hip tea at my place on Friday night. This is a verbatim transcript of her story.

SV: What scars do you have?

Diana: I have scars on my face from very bad acne. Very severe acne that would not let up, even way after puberty. [drinks watermelon juice].

SV: What's it been like for you to have these scars?

Diana: It has definitely... [pause] what comes to me is that they have helped me learn to love myself. I mean, mind you that's a long time coming, but... they're permanent signs of how much I didn't like the way I looked. And now when I look at myself, it's been so long since I've had that problem because i took acutane --

SV: Sorry, what is that?

Diana: It's a very heavy medication that you take for 3 months and it changes the biochemical structure of your face so that you do not get acne but it's so strong...that you can't drink and if you get pregnant it'll cause a dwarfed baby so you have to have an abortion -- you have to go on the pill when you take it. So I did that because I just, I had enough. I had tried everything from creams to gells to antibiotics. So I took it for three months and I did. My last pill I remember I took when I went on my first trip to Cancun and I was like "Yay I'm free!" because I hadn't been able to drink for three months, not even on NY's

But I still had scars. I had severe scarring. But I was told that it takes time -- the meds stay in your system for a year and then they will fade. So I would burn my face. Even though you're not supposed to, I would go tanning I just wanted to burn everything off so I wouldn't put on sunscreen because I wanted to burn it all off. And slowly, over the year, they started to fade, the scars. And I actually enjoy looking at myself in the mirror anymore. No more acne, it was all just scars I didn't have to worry about. And I think maybe a year later, it was a huge difference.

I think with the scars, in a way... I had pretty good self-esteem considering, at the time. So I think it made me look at myself in the eyes more -- I would avoid looking at my face i would look into my eyes more. And I had to see myself, because I didn't think I was fully ugly, I thought 'No, I'm a pretty girl -- it's just these...' So I think that helped me look at msyelf deeper and see more beauty in myself to some degree. So when my exterior [touches face] started to fade, I saw yeah I am beautiful. I got to the point where I couldn't remember what it was like to have the [initial] scars because it had faded so much.

SV: So when are you most aware of these scars?

Diana: There are days now when it stands out for me. The days when I'm feeling fat or bloated or I'm getting my period... I look at them and I say, "wow, I can't believe what I went through" and I remember looking at my face and going "Fuck, this is brutal!" But then there are times when I do look at myself and think "Wow, I'm beautiful."

SV: What do these scars mean to other people? What kind of reactions do you get from other people about them?

Diana: Well now, a lot of people... it's not really... My mom and my sister they're like, "Oh my god, thank god! What you
went through with all those scars!" So I think it had a very huge impact on my mom and my sister. It's like I was wearing this mask of ugliness that they looked at. I think they saw the exterior more than the inside and it's funny how it helped me look inside more. And now my mom will be like, "Wow, look how beautiful you are!" It really affected me in that it made me put a lot of effort into making myself look better. You know, going to the gym, doing my hair. Now people don't really comment so much on my acne. Now it's just me. I would always think people were looking at my scars.

SV: Can you talk a bit about the process you underwent today?

Diana: Microdermabrasion. From my gorgeous friend J---. She's absolutely stunningly beautiful. She does everything. This woman. Every treatment. She keeps her body, you know, top-notch. So I heard about microdermabrasian and I said, "Listen, for my birthday I want that!" and I went. And as they're shaving -- they literally shave off my face -- it was like I was being reborn in a way. It was like: that mask, it's time to come off. I think I was hiding myself. Hiding my beauty from the world. And there's a part of me that's almost afraid to let it out. 'Cause I get so much of a reaction now that it's like: what's going to happen when I'm really all done up.

SV: What kind of reaction do you get now?

Diana: Just, um, people stare and you know. Almost every guy will hit on me, that I meet. And almost in a way, it makes me feel bad to turn people down. In a way I can't wait 'til I get married. And I think you just have to kind of get used to people looking at you.... But yeah I feel like it's really time to take off the mask and really let myself shine thorugh. And now I'm excited. I asked the woman what would be her plan to clear it all up... I said, what would you do? And she gave me a six week plan for six week. And I almost was like: I really wanna do it. I really wanna do it. So I'm seeing if I can afford it or find someone else, cheaper. It's time to let go of the part of me that's afraid to come out. I am so afraid to come out into the world, in a way. What are they gonna think of me?

It's time for me to be myself in the world and not to hide behind any mask anymore. Behind anything. And it's all good timing -- in the past it wasn't time for me to be in that world in that way. And now, I see my physical transforming in a way and -- this is nothing. It's amazing what's gonna happen you know? As it continues to happen. Even like after, you know, after I cry. People look at me and are like "What did you do different?" There's a part of me that's afraid to be vulnerable in the world. Like how am I going to protect myself? The more I feel safe, the more it'll come out and...

This is Mike

This is Mike's story (as told by Francesca):

Dear Svea,

I made a friend last Friday. His name is Mike, and I'm going to try and tell you his story although it may not be as good as his version. You may have to re-write it to make it sound better.

Mike was biking as a kid, down a really steep hill near his house. At the bottom of the hill was a sharp turn, a construction site, and a layer of wet cobbled stones. Mike was going fast down the hill, and, not slowing down enough to make it round the corner, he did a sort of swerve, and somehow managed to fall off the bike, landing head first on the stones. From there, things come in threes... The car coming towards him managed to see him, stop and get out without hitting him, and he had a mobile phone to ring an ambulance (this was a few years ago!); Standing in the middle of the construction site was the project manager who also happened to be the first aid guy, so he ran and got his kit and was able to provide care; Walking down the hill was a nurse just finished her shift. Between them, Mike was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance, where he was given 5 stitches. This part's not so nice... The anaesthetist wasn't able to get the anaesthetic in properly, so Mike had five injections, with very little pain relief, although apparenlty this wasn't such an issue because he'd lost half of his tooth and so was much more focused on the pain from the exposed nerve in his mouth. Aaaaaagh!!

I listened to the entire story before asking if I could take a photo of his scar. As I was taking his picture, I wanted him to relax, so he kept talking, that kind of nervous babble where you change subject and mix ideas and so on. All I really remember from it is something about the nurse telling the construction guy to make sure he was wearing gloves, but I managed to get this photo, and I hope it works for your site.

This is Andrea

This is Andrea's story:

i have a cooler scar than you.

due to much demand: the story.

when i was born (prematurely), i was born with a hole in my diaphragm. my liver and intestines would invade through the hole and repeatedly collapse my lungs, i think about 8 or 9 times. the doctors told my parents that i had no hope of making it... but nonetheless went in when i was 2 weeks old and fixed the hole. they saved me (rather obviously), and left me a fantastically large scar to enjoy. it has never stretched, so you can imagine what it looked like on a 4 pound baby!

the best scar-related comment i've ever had was in grade four, in the girl's changeroom after gym class. cool girl (not me) to loser girl (me):
"i feel so sorry for you! you can never wear a bikini."

perhaps in retaliation, by the time i hit grade nine i not only had a surface piercing in my scar, but had also cut a scar-shaped hole in a tank top the better to display it.

hurrah for living, and for surgeons.

______

Andrea sent me the link to her story on Flickr. These are some of the comments her posting inspired:


"Scars are tattoos with better stories."

"Wow! Medicine can be so amazing. How wonderfully fortunate for you! :o)"

"I agree: wear your scars proudly."

"Thanks for the story. I'm a nurse in a neonatal ICU and it's great to know these crazy miracles babies grow up to be proud of their scars and what they went through."

"Great story, great scar, great shot. ... I cut my finger once. Is that anything?"

"amazing everything."

"That's totally awesome! I say we should all be proud of ALL of our bodies, including the things others perceive as imperfections!"

This is Jolene